Instead of 3 O-Levels, I would only need 1 ! ('Internet Technology' with an emphasis in 'Grade Obfuscation'
I would download Miss Thomas' required Art Coursework for O-Levels from Pottinger's web site...
I would put a motion sensor by Murdoch's front-door, and a GPS in his purple tie and INSIDE HIS TAXI'S TWO BACK DOORS (yes, THAT TAXI with the annoying hanging dice) then charge everyone in the school a 'tribute' for me to tell them where he was at all times......The 'tribute' could take the form of: Lunch at Chef's or Dynasty everyday for me and my crew, and/or financial remuneration on a Banker's Cheque, 'Payable Holder only' ... EUROS PLEASE :-)
Ms. Burgher would be history..I would connect a 'remote' MP3 into the school's Intranet and download all the songs from that ubiquitous BLUE HYMNAL..and the occasional..'GREEEEEEEEEEEEEETINGS I BRING FROM JAH..TO ALLLLLLLLLLLLLL RAGGAMUFFIN OHHHHHHHHHHH WEEEEEEEEE'
FOR THE FIRST TIME IN OVER 200 YEARS THE WOLMER'S CRICKET PITCH WOULD BE FAST..GLEN WOULD BE ABLE TO ACCESS WEATHER PATTERNS AND WIND VELOCITIES THEN FAX THE CLAY SAMPLES TO BUREAU OF STANDARDS, AND UPON RETURN, INCREASE OR DECREASE WATER AND MINERAL CONTENT...AND IF THAT DIDN'T WORK, ACCESS HIS DATABASE OF CRICKET PITCHES TO SEE WHAT WAS BEST FOR THAT GAME, AFTER CROSS-REFERENCING THEM WITH THE TEAM ..PRIMARILY IF WE HAD TO PLAY KC!!
Being late on the JOS #3, I would text-message Tapper, to utilise the secret web cam we have set up for such purposes, and uplink me the lesson , then Skype teleconference me with UWI Academia to cross-reference that EVERYTHING ISAAC-HENRY SAYS 'POSESSES FACTUAL AND ACADEMIC INTEGRITY' !!
Spanish Class would be a breeze now, and Ms. Christie would be teaching RUSSIAN..IN SIBERIA...WITHOUT BOOKS!! I would actually teleconference with PEOPLE WHO SPEAK REAL CONVERSATIONAL SPANISH ..
Mr. Parks would get a mystery text every morning saying his class was cancelled for the day, SIGNED R. MORRIS :-)
When Shorty ran low on oranges, ice and syrup supplies, he would access from his laptop at the cart, the latest demographics patterns for 'boys ages 11-19, walking on North Heroes' Circle, between 8am and 5 pm', and call Shim's with the order + Paypal from his Cayman Bank Acct. (unnuh t'ink seh Shorty fool ??), then their truck turns up with supplies, to save the day!!
I would employ satellite-imagery of the Girl's School...actually ALL GIRLS' SCHOOLS IN KINGSTON, with the express purpose of selling this data to the 'flock of willing sheep'.
I would ride free on all buses after they found out I can uplink in live-time the latest traffic patterns, delays and imagery for all major arteries and especially enabling my beloved #3 bus to reach school in 4 minutes!!
We could sit in class all day and design the FORM COLOURS, a la First/Second Form, then email the data to CRIMSON DAWN, and have them efax us the verification of the order and pay by our FORM AMEX BLACK CARD...
NOBODY WOULD E-V-E-R BEAT ME IN BOOK CRICKET!
I would bring my own 'ball'..well doctored with all pages suspiciously having a '4', '6', '1' and would be the first person in book-cricket to declare an innings for 800 runs.... without loss.. If the opposition got suspicious, I would then employ the 'new ball' :-)
Abel, Lurch, McKain et al..We would invent an imaging software that would be installed under their desks and read all printed or written text on the desk..and relay this to a Central Server in live-time...for a subscription fee , of course!!
Now when Mr. Bryan asked me: ' Young Man..expound on the thought-process that there was a tangibility and appropriateness to Shylock's antidisestablishmentarianism at work among his contemporary Venutians'...
I could then easily reply, since Hendricks previously downloaded MR. BRYAN'S ENTIRE HARD DRIVE and 'negotiated' to us the rights for usage on an exclusve agreement for 1 week only with 2% 7 days, net 10 days :-)
'Natty-Corner' would have web cams in the big-tree with daily uplinks to YOU-TUBE....
I would FINALLY WIN THE 400M at Sports Day..(bredren..not even the technology today can do that!)...then wake up!!
Complementary magnetic & motion sensors would be employed in my cricket ball and also in the wickets on both ends, so I would end up taking 700 wickets in Colts and 900 in Sunlight...OF COURSE I ALONE WOULD USE THAT BALL..BOWL AT BOTH ENDS AND BOWL SPIN AND 'FAST'..
The bathrooms at WBS would all have a 'dutty-detector' software that would constantly monitor the germ-factor throughout, so, if it fell below a required number..SCHOOL DONE!
Most classes at WBS would be online...
Since we have Caller-ID installed on laptops, we could phreak-access all the phones at the school and verify I.P. Addresses to see who the champion was that was always calling in bomb-threats.....BREDREN..IF ANYONE HAD AN ACADEMIC REASON TO CALL IN A BOMB-THREAT..IT WAS ME...THE TRUTH MAY NOW BE TOLD THAT MY 'ACADEMIC LEGACY' AT WOLMER'S WAS A WEAPON OF MISSED INSTRUCTION :-)
Life for me would be one big file transfer from zipfile to flash-drive :-)
A picture-phone would show the only time in 2 years Azan took off those BLACK-BOOTS ..
I know HOUSES IN KINGSTON SMALLER THAN THOSE THINGS!!
All 'deportees' from KC would be 'inadvertently' sent to STETHS courtesy of my contacts at database management in the records' division....failing their data's rejection by the school's firewall....CALABAR WILL SUFFICE :-)